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The Six Keys to Nursing Success Series
4th Key- Establishing Boundaries
There are 6 essential
keys for nurses to embrace to move from surviving to thriving in nursing:
-
Shifting from the “one- up” position
(as the expert, mentor, caretaker) to equal partnership
-
Shifting from selflessness (being
last on the list) to self-care
-
Creating work/life balance
-
Establishing boundaries
-
Identifying and learning to live
their passion
-
Discovering and integrating personal
values into your life
This is the
4th in our nursing success article series with the overview of each of these
essential keys. The 4th key is establishing
boundaries. The key is to shift from having no boundaries or weak
boundaries to setting healthy boundaries in your personal and professional life.
When you learn to set and maintain healthy boundaries for yourself and
with others, you will discover your time becomes filled with activities of your
choice instead of everything you “ought to”, “have to”, “should do”. Get clear
on what you will, or will not allow into your life. The basis of boundary
setting is the ability to say “no” and not feel guilty.
Saying no
seems to have become an art form, something people think they can’t do. We are
caught up in our busyness with the favorite line being, “Oh, I just don’t have
time”. Yet, we say yes anyway. Schedules are frantic. Exhaustion,
frustration and the never-ending impatience are common. Words like guilt
abound. Do you feel like a hamster on a wheel with no idea how to get off?
One-way is to set personal and professional boundaries. Just say no - Yes you
can!
Build a
foundation for establishing boundaries by clarifying your values, passions and
purpose in life. These are longer coaching conversations than this article can
address, but getting clear about your
satisfaction versus your busyness in all areas of your life is a great first
step. Where are you in your life right now and where do you want to be? Where
is it meaningful for you to say yes and how often?
Start where
you are. Are you one of those “too nice” people who always say yes? Start by
practicing your “no”. Practice with a friend. Practice in front of a mirror. Practice your no without justifying your answer. Adding a complimentary phrase
such as, “Thank you for thinking of me, but I am unable to attend.” is
appropriate. Other responses are “I appreciate your kind invitation but I must
say no.” “I hear your situation but I am unable to help in that way.” You may
want to offer an alternative resource. “I can’t take you to work but I believe
our friend Sue goes that way each morning so you may want to try her as a
resource.”
Decide your
criteria for saying no ahead of time. Put a positive spin on it. Decide your
3-4 yes
criteria. For example, you may decide you only say yes if something is
financially wise, aligns with your values and fun. If a situation does not pass
your 3 or 4 yes criteria, then the answer is no. Sometimes the best yes in your
life is actually a no. Make sure the “no” handles the situation now. No does
not mean maybe, next time, etc… What yes creates fulfillment, meaning and fun in
your life?
You will be
giving more of your authentic self to those in your life and those you want to
make a difference with by setting your boundaries firmly. You cannot give what
you don’t have. Giving of yourself in ways that are detrimental to you, your
health, well being, your family, colleagues and friends results in an
unfulfilling life.
Say yes to
your purpose and passion and no to busyness, stress and heartache. It’s all
about making the best, most purposeful choice for you. Exercise good choices so
that you and those around you will reap the benefits over and over again. What
will you say no to today to create room for your best fit of yeses?
Just say no
- Yes you can!
Do you see
yourself being very busy in very unsatisfying areas of your life? Or, expending
lots of energy tolerating an area of your life where you just can’t say no? Is
your time and effort filling up your calendar in areas that you are far from
passionate about? Use a strategy designed by Marcia Wieder, CEO of Dream
University in San Francisco, California and “turn your calendar right side up”. Marcia advises to “say no where you have a choice” to things about which you are
not passionate, things that don’t bring you joy and fulfillment. Going to work
or picking up your children are responsible choices. However, volunteering in
an area where you are miserable and resentful only because volunteering is a
“good thing to do” and you feel obligated to do so is not a positive choice in
your life.
Enjoy your
newfound freedom by spending time in activities you have consciously said yes
to. Getting rid of many “shoulds”, “ought tos” and “have tos” will energize you
and create greater meaning in your life. The most valuable boundaries you choose
are also influenced by your purpose and passion which will be discussed in Shift
Change Coaching’s 5th Key to Nursing Success in the October
Newsletter. Until then, practice the 1st four keys and report your
ideas and successes on the Shift Change Blog @
www.shiftchangecoaching.com.
Best regards,
Merrily Sable, RN, BSN and Betsy Smith, PhD
 
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